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Dreams of dead sister, feeling guilty?
Question by joanna♥johnny♥[O6O7O7]: Dreams of dead sister, feeling guilty?
Every so often I dream about my deceased sister. She died almost 4 years ago of a drug over-dose. She and I were close when I was very little, but she was 8 years older than me and she started doing heroin when she was around 15-16. I grew watching her nod out all over the house (usually on the couch, her sitting on the couch and her head flat on the coffee table), having to deal with her stealing my stuff, stealing from my mom, etc. Yet my mom always yelled at me for yelling at her for stealing, and she looked at my sister like she could never do anything wrong. She knew she was a total junkie, she did nothing with her life besides prostitute, sell drugs, and steal. She even brought guys home…I witnessed a few people overdose right in my bathroom.
but then she died. I was 14, almost 15. I didn’t cry when I first found out. I felt a sense of relief. I was almost happy. I did cry at the funeral.
But ever since she died, I’ve been having dreams about her coming back. Sometimes they’re happy, but thet usually involve her coming back and stealing my stuff. This time I was crying in my dream because I believed my sister was finally clean and I was sad for all she went through…but then she started stealing my stuff and I was enraged.
Overall, I feel like it’s for the best that she’s dead. It’s one less thing for me to worry about..
But that makes me feel so guilty.
Am I horrible?
Best answer:
Answer by Gashly
This is so sad. No I don’t think you are horrible, I can sort of understand your relief. It must of been hard growing up like that and TBH I think your Mum should of done more to help your sister. That probably sounds really out of line but it doesn’t sound like your Mum did anything at all ,she was trying to ignore what was happening and things spiraled out of control. But you were just little, you have no reason to feel guilty there was nothing you could do. Try to focus on the good times you had with your sister, b4 the drugs.
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about 3 months ago
Drugs affect the entire family, not just the user.
I think if you imagine your sister (in death) being remorseful for her actions then your can deal with it better.
about 3 months ago
No way. Every family seems to have the total screw-ups in it. I have a grandmother and an uncle like this, but they don’t do drugs. It’s in a different way.
You shouldn’t feel guilty. A person who gets into drugs does it on their own accord and decision. You can’t change it for them – they have to stop. Sounds like she was a real pain. Be glad she’s gone. Now in a haughty or prideful way. But just in a “my sister didn’t want to do anything in life and was a burden to my family, and now we are finally free from her” sort of way. Be thankful that she was removed from your family and that the situation isn’t happening anymore. But try to avoid being thankful that she’s “dead” per se in that sense. There’s a fine line.
You just have to keep reminding yourself that she’s gone and the situation is over. Sounds like your mind might still be grudging her for the mean and crazy things that she did. And I say that innocently and nicely – I’d be mad about what she did, too. But you just have to let it go now that she’s gone. It sounds like your mind may still be mad about her and/or ‘doubting’ in a way…as if to ask itself, “Is she REALLY gone and this is REALLY taken care of?? It can’t be!?!”
about 3 months ago
No, you are not horrible. What happened to your sister is not your fault. Addicts engage in self-defeating behaviors, and the people who are closest to them and care for them, like your mom, tend to enable them, and take out their anger and frustration on other people. Your situation is very complicated, and I am very sorry that this has happened to your family. It is not uncommon or wrong to feel relief, it is a very rational feeling to have. I hope that you and your family are able to go to grief counseling for dealing with the aftermath of your loss. Good luck to you.