Question by joanna♥johnny♥[O6O7O7]: Dreams of dead sister, feeling guilty?
Every so often I dream about my deceased sister. She died almost 4 years ago of a drug over-dose. She and I were close when I was very little, but she was 8 years older than me and she started doing heroin when she was around 15-16. I grew watching her nod out all over the house (usually on the couch, her sitting on the couch and her head flat on the coffee table), having to deal with her stealing my stuff, stealing from my mom, etc. Yet my mom always yelled at me for yelling at her for stealing, and she looked at my sister like she could never do anything wrong. She knew she was a total junkie, she did nothing with her life besides prostitute, sell drugs, and steal. She even brought guys home…I witnessed a few people overdose right in my bathroom.

but then she died. I was 14, almost 15. I didn’t cry when I first found out. I felt a sense of relief. I was almost happy. I did cry at the funeral.

But ever since she died, I’ve been having dreams about her coming back. Sometimes they’re happy, but thet usually involve her coming back and stealing my stuff. This time I was crying in my dream because I believed my sister was finally clean and I was sad for all she went through…but then she started stealing my stuff and I was enraged.

Overall, I feel like it’s for the best that she’s dead. It’s one less thing for me to worry about..

But that makes me feel so guilty.

Am I horrible?

Best answer:

Answer by Gashly
This is so sad. No I don’t think you are horrible, I can sort of understand your relief. It must of been hard growing up like that and TBH I think your Mum should of done more to help your sister. That probably sounds really out of line but it doesn’t sound like your Mum did anything at all ,she was trying to ignore what was happening and things spiraled out of control. But you were just little, you have no reason to feel guilty there was nothing you could do. Try to focus on the good times you had with your sister, b4 the drugs.

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