My friend acts like his relationship is so perfect, but his boyfriend is an alcoholic?

Question by Jemma: My friend acts like his relationship is so perfect, but his boyfriend is an alcoholic?
I have a gay friend who goes on and on about what a perfect relationship he and his boyfriend have with one another, and how his boyfriend’s family has welcomed him into it so warmly; meanwhile his boyfriend has serious issues with alcohol and no career or education goals or interest. He recently got a job as a shelf stock person in a supermarket. How is it that people can be so desperate for love that they can overlook such serious issues as alcoholism rather than try to find someone with more going for them in life? My friend just floats around in bliss because his boyfriend loves him…does anyone else have a friend like that…what I would call the blind in love? He judges other people’s relationships and is quick to point out the flaws in other people’s boyfriends, yet is entirely tolerant of his own boyfriend being an alcoholic. Does anyone else have a friend like that…who points out the flaws in other people’s partners while ignoring the major flaw in their own partner?? How do you deal with their hypocrisy?

Best answer:

Answer by Kevin
People often have blinders on when it comes to how they view their relationship. You see, with other relationships all they see is what is on the surface. They aren’t there with that couple when they’re alone or in the bedroom to see what goes on behind closed doors, they only see what everyone else sees. So they base their judgment on what is visible to the naked eye. In your friend’s mind, sure, his boyfriend may be an alcoholic, but they could have a very intimate, close relationship with one another that you’re not seeing (just like he doesn’t see it with other couples). Behind closed doors, they can tell each other things and relate to one another in a way that makes them perfect for each other. This is the thing everyone needs to realize about relationships: there is always more going on than what you see. Do you really think the way couples act in front of their friends is how they act when they’re alone? It’s not. You have no idea what does on and what is said when you’re not around, because it is private. And as far as his relationship is concerned, if he is in love, let him enjoy it. It’s up to him to realize any flaws in his boyfriend, not you. Trying to step in would be a bad move–it’s their own business. He doesn’t need your approval of his boyfriend. If he is happy with him, that’s all that matters. And who’s to say his boyfriend won’t clean up and start having career aspirations? People do change, and maybe your friend thinks he is worth the wait. Point is, it’s your friend’s relationship, not yours, and you have no idea what sort of closeness they have when you’re not there. I say leave it alone.

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