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Posts tagged Advice
Long history of mental health affecting relationship with boyfriend. NEED ADVICE!?
Jan 25th
Question by : Long history of mental health affecting relationship with boyfriend. NEED ADVICE!?
I am debating on whether or not I should end things with my boyfriend. He and I have been dating for a year, and honestly, I really do love him. But from the very beginning, things have started off on the wrong foot for us and they have only gotten worse as time has gone on.
I suffer from Major Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Bi-Polar Disorder. I am a “cutter” and I have had a few suicide attempts in the past. This is a day to day struggle of mine. I have had a very rough childhood, and now as a 22 year old adult, things seem to just be getting even harder.
From day one, my boyfriend knew about all of my “mental health” issues. He claimed that he could deal with them and that he wanted to “be there” for me and help me “get better.” But over the course of the past year, he has honestly only made things worse.
He is an alcoholic. He comes from a very different “family-type” then I do. His family grew up doing drugs and dropping out of high school. While, even though my mom died when I was 14….I still tried to progress positively and maintain the proper course that she would have wanted for my life.
But he flat out told me when I met him that he, along with all 6 of his brothers have never finished high school. And they all have done drugs at some point in their lives. And of course I thought to myself…Is this really the kind of person I want to be dating? But I tried not to judge him and accepted him past for what it was and hoped that he would be willing to make a new life with me.
Well, now…a year later. He and I really are in love. I swear it. But the problem is that I am still so depressed. And I’m sitting back thinking…ok…now what? Neither of us have jobs. (He worked at a fast food restaurant for 9 months…just recently quit) And I cannot find a job to save my life.
So our life together is very boring. And it takes a toll on me a lot quicker then it does him. My mind doesn’t work the same way his does…so when I have to sit at home and cry about the fact that I am a loser and I have a loser boyfriend and all we do is sit around and waste our lives…it doesn’t take me very long to come to the conclusion that I am a piece of sh!t and I should just kill myself.
But I never do it. I usually just force myself to go to sleep for a day or two. And then wake up and repeat the process all over again.
So I guess my question is…
What should I do?
I don’t want to get rid of the boyfriend…I really do love him.
But I feel like he’s taking me no where in life.
Then again…I’m taking myself no where.
HELP.
Best answer:
Answer by Liam
just pull urself together i just think he’s in it for the sex though maybe not
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New drugs for me to try? Advice please!?
Dec 30th
Question by Bob: New drugs for me to try? Advice please!?
I don’t do drugs, but recently I’ve been contemplating on starting to use something. I’m unfamiliar with drugs, except for their names to be honest. I was thinking cocaine or heroin, I know speed and acid are an option too, although I heard acid and speed are dangerous.
I don’t want to be associated with a negative culture of “pot head” or a “club junkie” as an Ecstasy user, so I’m leaning more toward Heroin or Cocaine. Safety is my number one concern, I only want a new experience and perhaps try a new life style.
I think I am level headed and intelligent enough to be able to resist addiction or at very least be able to stop drug use if it negatively impacts my life.
Basically what I’m trying to say is that I’m looking for a drug that will make me feel REALLY good.
Thanks for your input guys I appreciate it.
I live a very full and balanced life, I enjoy an occasional drink even though someone could consider it an addictive substance. I’ve never the effects of addiction, I understand that the withdrawal process is painful but I feel confident in the fact that I can control any of my urges.
Best answer:
Answer by Chris D
all drugs will have a negative impact on you…..
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How to Date this guy I like, never had a boyfriend, advice needed please!?
Dec 23rd
Question by PirateGirl: How to Date this guy I like, never had a boyfriend, advice needed please!?
The guy I really like said I used to be a bastard to girls and now karma is getting me back for it.
He said that 2 years ago, on his online page, I think he’s changed himself though.
He is an alcoholic, and he’s done drugs mainly weed. His ex dumped him & turnt into a lesbian but there still friends. He didn’t have a good childhood, he got bullied about his appearance, his dad would come home stoned and drunk (that’s all I know) and he hates his dad. He gets angry very quick, although it’s not anger its sadness, I can tell by his tone of voice. He gets angry at objects not people as he got angry when he had his PREVIOUS girlfriend he’d leave her and get angry alone so he won’t do it to me, he punches & breaks his stuff not people. He also can joke about sex with me occasionally but he doesn’t like me touching him as he’s very very nervous I think.
He opens the door for me, always helps me even if he himself is busy, he’s concerned if I’m sad. He did and does all this before I told him how I feel. He’s really shy, he finds it hard to look at me in the eyes and when he does I smiled at him and he went bright red like a baboon’s bum. His voice is softer around me, and he puffs his chest out to impress me when I sit next to him. He uncontrollably smiles when I’m around, he is funny, we have same history like same music, etc. He doesn’t care that I have exczma on my face and that I’m chubby, he likes my personality and he was so scared of messing it up with me he’d refrain from saying much as he was so shy, he still is but not as much. I’ve never met anyone so different from most guys.
What do u think & don’t tell me not to date him as I really want to I’d just like some advice please. I’m 18 Hes turning 20 in a few weeks.
Best answer:
Answer by Timothy Dalton
Good luck
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What do i do? Need some advice! :(?
Jun 9th
Question by HONEY: What do i do? Need some advice! 
?
We just broke up after 2.5 yrs a month ago and im a mess.. the begining was very rough, he always thought i was up to something or cheating on him. It took a toll on me. Him being so insecure but i was determined to make it work. I had to get serious and break up with him bc i couldnt take it anymore, we got back together a week later and got thru it! Fast foward 2 years..
I just turned 25.. so ive been getting the itch to move foward, i pressured him and STESSEd him out and was MEAN, so mean to him bc he wasnt getting hhis stuff together quick enough for me. I wanted to move in and he wasnt ready and i pressured him sooo much, for a minute there i forgot about the love and broke up with him. When i SHOULD of stood by him, and told him positive things instead of negative things. Hes been thru enough in his life and didnt need me, the one he loves so much, bringing him down.. Ive tried to get him back but he wont. He said he loves me so much but needs to work on himself and be by himself, and find himself and love himself bc for a really long time he hasnt done that. Just 3 months before he got together with me him and his Ex broke up, it was nasty, she cheated on him, and it was a bad break up.
Hes 22
He doesnt have much self worth.
Hes insecure
Not confident.
Grew up with both alcoholic parents
Hes very humble and a great guy.
I need to give him his space and time dont i? Ugh this sucks. Well i just want some advice, and things to do to help him so if we do get back together. I can be everything he needs me to be. I love him soo much
Someone mentioned going to do community service and help people so he can see others with tough lives also, and even tougher.
Also mentioned him playing on a sports team. He does that and absolutely LOVES it. It makes him sooo happy.
I love him to death. Please, need advice.
Best answer:
Answer by Just
give him some time but maybe ask if you can still talk to him here and there?? if he’s not into it then i’d just completely leave him a lone.
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Q&A: I really need advice right now :(?
Jun 8th
Question by HONEY: I really need advice right now ?
We just broke up after 2.5 yrs a month ago and im a mess.. the begining was very rough, he always thought i was up to something or cheating on him. It took a toll on me. Him being so insecure but i was determined to make it work. I had to get serious and break up with him bc i couldnt take it anymore, we got back together a week later and got thru it!
I just turned 25.. so ive been getting the itch to move foward, i pressured him and STESSEd him out and was MEAN, so mean to him bc he wasnt getting hhis stuff together quick enough for me. I wanted to move in and he wasnt ready and i pressured him sooo much, for a minute there i forgot about the love and broke up with him. When i SHOULD of stood by him, and told him positive things instead of negative things. Hes been thru enough in his life and didnt need me, the one he loves so much, bringing him down.. Ive tried to get him back but he wont. He said he loves me so much but needs to work on himself and be by himself, and find himself and love himself bc for a really long time he hasnt done that. Just 3 months before he got together with me him and his Ex broke up, it was nasty, she cheated on him, and it was a bad break up.
Hes 22
He doesnt have much self worth.
Hes insecure
Not confident.
Grew up with both alcoholic parents
Hes very humble and a great guy.
I need to give him his space and time dont i? Ugh this sucks. Well i just want some advice, and things to do to help him so if we do get back together. I can be everything he needs me to be. I love him soo much
Someone mentioned going to do community service and help people so he can see others with tough lives also, and even tougher.
Also mentioned him playing on a sports team. He does that and absolutely LOVES it. It makes him sooo happy.
I love him to death. Please, need advice.
I shouldnt call him right? I should wait till he calls me? Bc ive been the one calling him trying to work it out but he jus seems like he needs space and time. This sucks!!
Best answer:
Answer by Nikoli Hates You
Give him space. Let him work on himself.
You can’t keep pushing and pulling.
I understand what he’s going through. It’s hard.
I can sympathize with you too.
Just give him space, let him build himself back up.
If you get back together with him try to be more understanding.
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Q&A: I have a tough situation with my boyfriend. I need advice!?
May 21st
Question by BarbieGirl8: I have a tough situation with my boyfriend. I need advice!?
Ok I have a tough situation with my boyfriend and I need serious advice! I have been trying to decide what to do and where to live but my options seem to be between bad and worse…
I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. We are both in our mid twenties and are still working out career options and trying to decide whether or not to go back to school. My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic and he has been sober since we have been together but he has the disadvantage of being behind in life since he had to deal with all of his drug and alcohol troubles. It is under control so far but now he is dealing with what to do with his life, He didn’t finish college and he is having a hard time finding a decent job.
We have had our ups and downs and recently he asked me to move in with him. I don’t love where I currently live and I thought it might be a good idea but I feel like we might be rushing it. After talking to my BF about the situation, I’m even more stumped as to what to do.
Here are the sequence of events I have to consider:
1. Last year around this time my lease was up and my roommate moved to another state so I had to move. I tried living with my BF for about a month and it didn’t work out. I though it might be becuase he was fresh out of rehab and stressed. I ended up sleeping on the sofa and we fought constantly. So I was forced to move in with a girl I wasn’t so sure about… Now my lease is two months away from ending and I have the option of deciding to stay or move. I feel like he was none too quick to help me in that tough situation last year. He ended up asking me for two months rent and asked me to pay for my own plane ticket when he took me to meet his parents. I felt like he was trying to make money off of me in the end. I also had a dog (a Yorkie) that he couldn’t stand and was super mean to…he ended up “accidently” hurting it and it died from the injury. He felt terrible about it and bought me another puppy which he is great with but I’ll never forget what happened! This has been nearly a year ago.
2. I have asked him what his reasons are for us moving in together. I want to make sure we are doing it for the right reasons. When we first talked about it he told me that if we don’t move in together, we might as well just stop dating becuase he thought moving in was the next step and if I wasn’t ready to do it then I wasn’t ready for anything else. I told him that that was rediculous and that I would like to at least be engaged first. I want to know that there is some kind of committment and my parents also don’t really like the idea of us just moving in together. I sort of feel like you should save the moving in together for when you are closer to getting married. It should be something new and exciting. Later he backed off of the pressure and told me he didn’t care if I moved in or not. That he would stay with me regardless so I thought the pressure was off. He also told me that he was serious about marriage and wanted to save $$ for an amazing ring BUT that he wouldn’t propse until we lived together. He wanted to make sure that we could live together first…I feel like he is running me around in circles.
3. It is getting down to crunch time for me I have to let my rooommate know if I am moving or not. I want to give her at least 6-8 weeks notice. My BF told me that he needed to know my decision by the end of August. I feel really hesitant. He hasn’t been looking for a place to live. He won’t work with me on a place to live and I don’t want to give my roommate notice with out knowing where I am moving to. He also wants to spend more money on a place than I do. He wants to rent a townhome or a house and I told him that I am not going to move in with him just to pay more rent than I am right now. He got really upset with me about changing my mind so many times and I told him that if I’m not ready now maybe we should just date and work on our relationship for the year and think about moving in then. I told him that if he really loves me he should feel the same way in 12 months (a year lease separately).
4. So this weekend we got into a huge fight and he told me he “couldn’t hadle this” and that he was “done”. He does this pretty frequently. He will break up with me and then come right back and try to make up. I feel like I have a high shcool relationship! He has done this so many times that I finally just asked him if he was really serious and he said yes. I asked him if he wanted me totally out of his life and he said yes to that too…but of course less than an hour later he was calling and trying to make up. It was so rediculous. I love him and he isn’t horrilbel all the time (I swear) but it just feels like too much work.
5. He called me and wanted to talk. I come to find that he is trying to decide if he should stay in this city or move back to his hometown and live with his parents so that he can go back to shcool. His hometown is across the countr
I think my question is so long that it cut off a little of my last paragraph. He basically told me that if he stays here that I will have to move in with him or that he won’t be able to afford rent on his own. I told him I just didn’t feel right about moving in after our fight and that I feel used. I told him about craigslist and that he could have other options, etc. He said that he didn’t want to live with strangers. I’m super confused about what to do and I feel like I can’t be rational since I’m in the realtionship.
Best answer:
Answer by Daisyhill
You need OUT of this relationship! You sound like a very bright girl…with a good future ahead of you…but HE sounds like a LOSER! Don’t waste anymore of your life with him…stay where you are and finish it for good…I wasted my 20s with a similar guy and now I am 35 I SO regret it…I am luckily happily married with children now…but if I had stuck with my loser I could have ended up alone. PLEASE don’t waste anymore time.
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I’m 17. Kicked out..Mum is making me choose family or my heroin addict boyfriend, Advice asap please..?
Feb 2nd
Question by Ruby: I’m 17. Kicked out..Mum is making me choose family or my heroin addict boyfriend, Advice asap please..?
Okay so i’m 17 years old, live in the uk if that helps.
Been with my boyfriend for near enough a year now, (we did have a 3 month split though) i lived with him for 5 months until we split, this was due to the fact my mum and my family didn’t like him because he is a heroin addict (don’t judge please). He is on methadone. I thought the world of him, in the end it got to much with the trouble from my family we had to split.
Anyway we got back together and my mum told me i couldn’t see him she would throw me out the house if i did.. anyway i felt so low i actually ended up takng crack and heroin with him (my own choice) my mum now knows about my drug use as i accidently injected and OD. I still smoke it (i am also getting help and getting subutex to get off it)
In the mean time my mum has thrown me out the house, i’ve had to go and move in with my dad (he doesn’t want me there he asked my mum to take me back, she won’t) he is never there always working or out drinking. I feel so alone, my mum is also on about banning me from coming and visiting her unless i get clean and stop seeing my boyfriend. She calls me fat, a druggie, junkie, smackhead ect…!! things like that don’t help me..!! She also says horrible things about my boyfriend too.
I don’t want to be living with my dad, he isn’t there for me, it doesn’t feel like home, and i just feel so alone, Yet when i visit my mum i get arguments and judgement. I can’t win the only place im happy is with my boyfriend. I also have no other family i speak too apart from dad, mum, brother and they all think the same.
Thing is i can get clean and im going too but i can’t leave my boyfriend i do love him and he has more or less stuck by me through everything and my family caused him alot of greif but he still wants to be with me.
My mum is also moving quite a while away very soon so i have no choose if im moving with her and not seeing my boyfriend again or stay here and loose her.
She has said i need to choose between him and her… i can’t, i want my family and my boyfriend.. i can’t choose, help???
Best answer:
Answer by Josh
Okay…you need to go w/ family here…eventually he will get you addicted just like he is and pull you down w/ him…Family will actually get you somewhere in life!!!! FAMILY!!!!
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Q&A: 17, kicked out.. My mum is making me choose family or my heroin addict boyfriend, advice asap?
Feb 1st
Question by Ruby: 17, kicked out.. My mum is making me choose family or my heroin addict boyfriend, advice asap?
Okay so i’m 17 years old, live in the uk if that helps.
Been with my boyfriend for near enough a year now, (we did have a 3 month split though) i lived with him for 5 months until we split, this was due to the fact my mum and my family didn’t like him because he is a heroin addict (don’t judge please). He is on methadone. I thought the world of him, in the end it got to much with the trouble from my family we had to split.
Anyway we got back together and my mum told me i couldn’t see him she would throw me out the house if i did.. anyway i felt so low i actually ended up takng crack and heroin with him (my own choice) my mum now knows about my drug use as i accidently injected and OD. I still smoke it (i am also getting help and getting subutex to get off it)
In the mean time my mum has thrown me out the house, i’ve had to go and move in with my dad (he doesn’t want me there he asked my mum to take me back, she won’t) he is never there always working or out drinking. I feel so alone, my mum is also on about banning me from coming and visiting her unless i get clean and stop seeing my boyfriend. She calls me fat, a druggie, junkie, smackhead ect…!! things like that don’t help me..!! She also says horrible things about my boyfriend too.
I don’t want to be living with my dad, he isn’t there for me, it doesn’t feel like home, and i just feel so alone, Yet when i visit my mum i get arguments and judgement. I can’t win the only place im happy is with my boyfriend. I also have no other family i speak too apart from dad, mum, brother and they all think the same.
Thing is i can get clean and im going too but i can’t leave my boyfriend i do love him and he has more or less stuck by me through everything and my family caused him alot of greif but he still wants to be with me.
My mum is also moving quite a while away very soon so i have no choose if im moving with her and not seeing my boyfriend again or stay here and loose her.
She has said i need to choose between him and her… i can’t, i want my family and my boyfriend.. i can’t choose, help???
Best answer:
Answer by ~♥ beautiful nightmare ♥~
choose ur family …blood is thicker than water….n relationships dont last……if u pick him over them ull regret it :/
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17..Kicked out..!! Mum is making me choose between family and my heroin addict boyfriend, Advice asap please?
Jan 31st
Question by Ruby: 17..Kicked out..!! Mum is making me choose between family and my heroin addict boyfriend, Advice asap please?
Okay so i’m 17 years old, live in the uk if that helps.
Been with my boyfriend for near enough a year now, (we did have a 3 month split though) i lived with him for 5 months until we split, this was due to the fact my mum and my family didn’t like him because he is a heroin addict (don’t judge please). He is on methadone. I thought the world of him, in the end it got to much with the trouble from my family we had to split.
Anyway we got back together and my mum told me i couldn’t see him she would throw me out the house if i did.. anyway i felt so low i actually ended up takng crack and heroin with him (my own choice) my mum now knows about my drug use as i accidently injected and OD. I still smoke it (i am also getting help and getting subutex to get off it)
In the mean time my mum has thrown me out the house, i’ve had to go and move in with my dad (he doesn’t want me there he asked my mum to take me back, she won’t) he is never there always working or out drinking. I feel so alone, my mum is also on about banning me from coming and visiting her unless i get clean and stop seeing my boyfriend. She calls me fat, a druggie, junkie, smackhead ect…!! things like that don’t help me..!! She also says horrible things about my boyfriend too.
I don’t want to be living with my dad, he isn’t there for me, it doesn’t feel like home, and i just feel so alone, Yet when i visit my mum i get arguments and judgement. I can’t win the only place im happy is with my boyfriend. I also have no other family i speak too apart from dad, mum, brother and they all think the same.
Thing is i can get clean and im going too but i can’t leave my boyfriend i do love him and he has more or less stuck by me through everything and my family caused him alot of greif but he still wants to be with me.
My mum is also moving quite a while away very soon so i have no choose if im moving with her and not seeing my boyfriend again or stay here and loose her.
She has said i need to choose between him and her… i can’t, i want my family and my boyfriend.. i can’t choose, help???
Best answer:
Answer by Harmony
Don’t be stupid.
You’re going to have to choose your family.
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verbal abuse? need advice quick?
Dec 19th
Question by me: verbal abuse? need advice quick?
i have 2 children one 6 the other 5 weeks i am with the father of the baby. we moved to a new town when i was pregnant and since moving my partner has been yelling and swearig at my 6 year old over nothing he thinks he is disciplining and not doing anything wrong my family has noticed and just said something to me about it, i have a very supportive family who are looking out for my 6 year old but my partner has taken offence when i tried talking to him about it telling him my family have noticed now he wont talk to me at all. he is capable of being good to him but i think the mood he is in determines how he treats him. i am starting to think he may be an alcoholic he got very deffensive when i mentioned this as he wants to go out drinking at least once a week. he will often not get home from work till midnight as he goes to the pub straight from work i have tried asking him to come home for tea first but no luck. when he is home he can spend an entire day sleeping on the couch and still not have trouble sleeping at night it often seems as though the only time he is happy is when he is drinking. i want some outside advice as well should i move back to the town where my family lives or should i stay and try get my partner some help as i have already decided i will not put up with this behaviour for my childrens sake what do you think is best for them? by the way my partner still needs to realise he has a few problems still in denial
Best answer:
Answer by Morgan
Leave before it becomes worse. It always gets worse.
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