Posts tagged First

Question by Ana S: How is the first “chapter” of my story?
Suggestions, tips, and ideas please! ☺
The story is about Katelyn and Kyle love from the moment they meet to their death, and in the prologue it says that their daughter is the one telling the story. They will have alot of problems throughout their life such as they have to elope because parents dont approve of his race, alcoholism, miscarriages, little money, etc.

February 5th, 2008 – Milton, Ontario

“Steve!” Katelyn called as she ran in a hurry towards her best friend. He was walking with a boy that Katelyn had never seen before. He was fairly short, with pitch black hair and tan skin.
“So are you going to introduce me or what?” Katelyn said with a bright grin on her face, lightly punching Steve’s arm.
“This is Kyle Reed, a friend from my old school, he’s visiting for the holidays” Steve said, stuttering his words as usual. Kyle stared at Katelyn, amazed by her exotic beauty. Pale skin, dark long hair, and big green eyes gave her the look that Kyle had never seen in a girl before. She was different, she was beautiful. Kyle gave her a quick smile, and turned around to continue his conversation with Steve. Katelyn was disappointed by his ignorance and immediately did not like him.
Feeling left out, Katelyn packed a huge ball of snow in her soft mittens and threw it as hard as she could at Steve to get his attention.
“Ow! What the hell?” yelled an unfamiliar voice. Katelyn accidentally hit Kyle right in the face. Steve stood laughing at Katelyn’s horrible aim, while Kyle held a brand new perfectly-round snowball in his hand, ready for revenge. He threw the snowball in a perfect toss. It glided through the air, but Katelyn was too quick for it. She smoothly dodged it, and hid behind Steve.
“Hey! Haven’t you been taught that you’re not supposed to hurt girls?” Katelyn yelled, with a smile on her face.
“I’ve never been taught to not hurt pretty girls” Kyle said smiling back at her.
Katelyn blushed from his compliment, and hid even further behind Steve.
“What are you two doing hanging out with this kid?” sounded a voice from behind. It was Jesse. He didn’t like Katelyn because he thought of women, especially younger women, to be the slaves of men.
“Who did you just call a kid? Screw off Jesse, why don’t you go join some gay club or something” Katelyn said jokingly. She could see rage in Jesse’s eyes from the diss that he had just received. As he walked by them, he purposely pushed Katelyn in to the snow.
“Katelyn! Are you okay?” asked Kyle and Steve simultaneously.
“I’m fine!” Katelyn said annoyed. Kyle gave her his hand, and helped her back up. He was astonished at how soft and fragile her small hand was.
“Umm, thanks…” Katelyn said blushing from the feeling of Kyle’s hand over hers. He gave her a smile, and Steve laughed at the sudden spark between the two.
“I have to go home now; it’s getting kind of late. How much longer will you be in town for?” Katelyn asked Kyle with curiosity in her eyes.
“6 more days, I only came for a week” he sadly answered. Katelyn nodded with a smile of compassion.
“Well, I’ll see you later then! Have fun you two, don’t get in to too much trouble” Katelyn exclaimed laughing as she waved to Steve and her new friend.

Best answer:

Answer by cirethomas2010
I like this story
but be sure to spice it up a little so it won’t be so predictable

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Question by Ana S: How is the first chapter of my story?
Suggestions, ideas, and tips appreciated. ☺
I am 14 btw. And also, i have a prologue and in it it says that Katelyn and Kyle’s daughter is telling the people about this story (her parent’s have died of old age aka Katelyn and Kyle). It is a story about a couple eloping because of racial differences and her parents wouldn’t let them be together. There is alcoholism, miscarriages, little money, and many more horrible circumstances the lovers have to face. Read on, and tell me what you think so far.

February 5th, 2008 – Milton, Ontario

“Steve!” Katelyn called as she ran in a hurry towards her best friend. He was walking with a boy that Katelyn had never seen before. He was fairly short, with pitch black hair and tan skin.
“So are you going to introduce me or what?” Katelyn said with a bright grin on her face, lightly punching Steve’s arm.
“This is Kyle Reed, a friend from my old school, he’s visiting for the holidays” Steve said, stuttering his words as usual. Kyle stared at Katelyn, amazed by her exotic beauty. Pale skin, dark long hair, and big green eyes gave her the look that Kyle had never seen in a girl before. She was different, she was beautiful. Kyle gave her a quick smile, and turned around to continue his conversation with Steve. Katelyn was disappointed by his ignorance and immediately did not like him.
Feeling left out, Katelyn packed a huge ball of snow in her soft mittens and threw it as hard as she could at Steve to get his attention.
“Ow! What the hell?” yelled an unfamiliar voice. Katelyn accidentally hit Kyle right in the face. Steve stood laughing at Katelyn’s horrible aim, while Kyle held a brand new perfectly-round snowball in his hand, ready for revenge. He threw the snowball in a perfect toss. It glided through the air, but Katelyn was too quick for it. She smoothly dodged it, and hid behind Steve.
“Hey! Haven’t you been taught that you’re not supposed to hurt girls?” Katelyn yelled, with a smile on her face.
“I’ve never been taught to not hurt pretty girls” Kyle said smiling back at her.
Katelyn blushed from his compliment, and hid even further behind Steve.
“What are you two doing hanging out with this kid? She’s a whole two years younger than you guys” sounded a voice from behind. It was Jake. He didn’t like Katelyn because he thought of women, especially younger women, to be the slaves of men.
“Who did you just call a kid? Screw off Jake, why don’t you go join some gay club or something” Katelyn said jokingly. She could see rage in Jake’s eyes from the diss that he had just received. As he walked by them, he purposely pushed Katelyn in to the snow.
“Katelyn! Are you okay?” asked Kyle and Steve simultaneously.
“I’m fine!” Katelyn said annoyed. Kyle gave her his hand, and helped her back up. He was astonished at how soft and fragile her small hand was.
“Umm, thanks…” Katelyn said blushing from the feeling of Kyle’s hand over hers. He gave her a smile, and Steve laughed at the sudden spark between the two.
“I have to go home now; it’s getting kind of late. How much longer will you be in town for?” Katelyn asked Kyle with curiosity in her eyes.
“6 more days, I only came for a week” he sadly answered. Katelyn nodded with a smile of compassion.
“Well, I’ll see you later then! Have fun you two, don’t get in to too much trouble” Katelyn exclaimed laughing as she waved to Steve and her new friend.
lol this is kind of based on a true life story, so i have to make him short. sorry

Best answer:

Answer by bruklyn415
It seems good

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by Jon Person

Question by Ana S: How is the first “chapter” of my story?
How is the first “chapter” of my story?
Suggestions, tips, and ideas please! ☺
The story is about Katelyn and Kyle love from the moment they meet to their death, and in the prologue it says that their daughter is the one telling the story. They will have alot of problems throughout their life such as they have to elope because parents dont approve of his race, alcoholism, miscarriages, little money, etc.

February 5th, 2008 – Milton, Ontario

“Steve!” Katelyn called as she ran in a hurry towards her best friend. He was walking with a boy that Katelyn had never seen before. He was fairly short, with pitch black hair and tan skin.
“So are you going to introduce me or what?” Katelyn said with a bright grin on her face, lightly punching Steve’s arm.
“This is Kyle Reed, a friend from my old school, he’s visiting for the holidays” Steve said, stuttering his words as usual. Kyle stared at Katelyn, amazed by her exotic beauty. Pale skin, dark long hair, and big green eyes gave her the look that Kyle had never seen in a girl before. She was different, she was beautiful. Kyle gave her a quick smile, and turned around to continue his conversation with Steve. Katelyn was disappointed by his ignorance and immediately did not like him.
Feeling left out, Katelyn packed a huge ball of snow in her soft mittens and threw it as hard as she could at Steve to get his attention.
“Ow! What the hell?” yelled an unfamiliar voice. Katelyn accidentally hit Kyle right in the face. Steve stood laughing at Katelyn’s horrible aim, while Kyle held a brand new perfectly-round snowball in his hand, ready for revenge. He threw the snowball in a perfect toss. It glided through the air, but Katelyn was too quick for it. She smoothly dodged it, and hid behind Steve.
“Hey! Haven’t you been taught that you’re not supposed to hurt girls?” Katelyn yelled, with a smile on her face.
“I’ve never been taught to not hurt pretty girls” Kyle said smiling back at her.
Katelyn blushed from his compliment, and hid even further behind Steve.
“What are you two doing hanging out with this kid?” sounded a voice from behind. It was Jesse. He didn’t like Katelyn because he thought of women, especially younger women, to be the slaves of men.
“Who did you just call a kid? Screw off Jesse, why don’t you go join some gay club or something” Katelyn said jokingly. She could see rage in Jesse’s eyes from the diss that he had just received. As he walked by them, he purposely pushed Katelyn in to the snow.
“Katelyn! Are you okay?” asked Kyle and Steve simultaneously.
“I’m fine!” Katelyn said annoyed. Kyle gave her his hand, and helped her back up. He was astonished at how soft and fragile her small hand was.
“Umm, thanks…” Katelyn said blushing from the feeling of Kyle’s hand over hers. He gave her a smile, and Steve laughed at the sudden spark between the two.
“I have to go home now; it’s getting kind of late. How much longer will you be in town for?” Katelyn asked Kyle with curiosity in her eyes.
“6 more days, I only came for a week” he sadly answered. Katelyn nodded with a smile of compassion.
“Well, I’ll see you later then! Have fun you two, don’t get in to too much trouble” Katelyn exclaimed laughing as she waved to Steve and her new friend.

Best answer:

Answer by Miss Evaline
It’s a great start. Try to make the writing go a bit more smoothly, it seems a bit choppy, like, “He didn’t like Katelyn because he thought of women, especially younger women, to be the slaves of men.” Instead, say, “He was never fond of Katelyn, or any woman, being the sexist man that he is.” Keep writing!

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