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Question by auslise: Was this emotional abuse?
Yes, I know I need to seek more professional help with this issue, but I’d really like some quick input to begin with. I’ve been having horrible relationship problems, and it’s just really hit me that I may be the victim of emotional abuse and neglect as a child…my mother chooses to devote her attention to loser men, while mostly ignoring/neglecting me. My mom isn’t a terrible person. For most of my life, I’ve had to deal with her choosing some of the worst of men (alcoholics, high school dropouts, ignorant, unemployed and refusing to be employed, verbally abusive, etc.). My current stepdad is all of the above, and he’s essentially a dependent of my mom (though he has no disability other than being a good for nothing deadbeat…though to hear him talk in his loud, boisterous, obnoxious voice, he’s king of the world). After more than a few years of just doing odd jobs, while she provided him with a home, money, medical insurance, etc., he’s only now agreed to go to a community college and take a course in being a taxi driver. A major part of this problem is that, while catering to these men, following them around like a puppy, so eager to help, she generally criticizes me, ignores me, corrects me, doesn’t divulge much about herself and questions every single last detail of my life. As a child, I was so terrified and miserable, as my now step dad was so mean and threatening to me all the time. Despite all I’d suffered, she even married my stepfather while I was at college, and never even told me…one day when I happened to call home, he answered and, gloating, filled me in on the news. If I call her for something, she’ll sometimes ignore me and respond later, but she always makes sure to answer when my stepdad calls. When I have good news, she answers with the same, generic, “Oh, that’s great!” She’s also made the statement that, unlike what other parents often tell their children, there’s no such thing as my being too good for just any man. She almost seems to encourage the mistakes I make in my life, and embraced my previous boyfriends who I (later, of course) and any other friend acknowledged as a complete loser. She’s always made sure that all my material wants are met, and she claims to love me, but emotionally, I’ve always felt a bit empty and envious while she lavished most of her attention, personality and concern on these horrid men…my own relationships have definitely suffered, and I’m generally a flipping emotional wreck most of the time. It was recently her birthday, and while I tried to give her the best gifts I could, he, as usual, got her nothing. What was worse was how, while she smiled and thanked me for my gifts, she said gifts weren’t really important to her, and she wasn’t that kind of person – as if my efforts were nice, but unnecessary. I’ve done all I can to prove to her that I’m worthy of her attention, but she just doesn’t seem to see it. What is the issue here…I know none of this bs is my fault, as it began when I was a very small child? Any ideas what her problem is (I suspect my grandfather was very controlling when she was young)? Thanks so much for any input (other than to run far, far away, screaming, with my arms flailing all about)!

Best answer:

Answer by 0475839216
maybe it’s just being harsh. however, you have to understand that as long as you’re exposed to some kind of cultural structure, then at that point, things are a little less difficult generally.

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